No one's sparing me of anything. I just want to die. Today, when I was crossing the road. How I wish, a car could knock me down there and then. But I know, committing suicide is the most foolish and stupid thing to do. I will not die. Not now.

I didn't spark the argument between my parents yet in the end, I'm the one getting the cold shoulder treatment. It's just a report book that my little brother forgot to bring home. Yet my mom could get so worked up. I endured the nonsense she made and in the end she made my little brother cry. I flared up. Trying to reason things with her. It's just a freaking report book. End up, she included me in this bull shit incident. I just wanted to be nice and stand up for my little brother. She's not going to bother about me anymore.

Disappointed and sad. I've always trying to be their filial daughter. Pleasing them with what they wanted me to do. Doing my best to be what they wanted me to be. Getting good results to please them. End up, she still dotes on my brothers more. It's always been this case since young. She always scolded me because of my brothers. I'm glad that my dad dotes on me more. But this time, he's not standing with me anymore. I'm alone now. My little brother is nonchalent about this. Gone, everything falls apart.

I prayed hard. Yet everytime I fell asleep. Maybe I didn't pray harder.

Or maybe, I'm the one who is at fault. I should never start the argument. Shit me for doing all this.

Wanting to be someone good. Yet, situations bounded me not to be. Especially in school. I can't control how people thinks. Everyday, I face you. How the day will go, will depend on your mood. I'm tired of all these. You may think others dont think for you. Yet, you never thought that we did. You always say things that made us guilty. What? You want to be the center of attention? I can give it to you. You can have all the attention you want. You can have all the friends I had. I would rather be a loner than putting up with all your nonsense. Because you are my friend, therefore I care. But lately, you made me want to give up this friendship.

I think I'm going to blow up soon.