»Realization; Tears and Sweat
Friday, October 8, 2010
"Somewhere in the midst of it all, it hit you. You realized that these days are more than ice cream trips, homework, and pimples. This is called life. And this one is yours.
You've been given your life. No one else has your version.
Live in the right way, serve God, have faith, love, patience, and gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith, grabbing hold of the life that continues forever. You were called to have that life when you confessed the good confession before many witnesses.
I Timothy 6:11-12 "
It's my 18th birthday today. I felt like it's just any other day.
It's not a good nor a happy one. In fact, I guess, it's the worst ever.
My eyes stings from the crying this morning and last night before I turn in to bed.
A frown plastered on my face to spend today.
I'm thankful for the celebration that my class gave me. I had my fun and I love it when everyone came tgt. It felt so heartwarming. But yet, I felt the distance between most of them. I felt out of place, I feel like going home. I stared blankly at my bag when I'm in the room. I felt terrible, I felt weird all of a sudden. Something is wrong, I thought to myself.
I went home, seeing my parent's faces. Upset and angry. I thought I had done something wrong. I am wrong. My elder brother broke up with his 3years 9month girlfriend. I felt sad. Though it's none of my buisness but still, I felt the pity between their relationship. At that moment, I lost all faith I had in love. Love, as in those kind of boy and girl love. I still believe in the unfailing love that God has for us, the family kinship love and between friends' love.
I texted her. I cried myself to sleep. Feeling sad for her. Even now, when I thought of it, the tears still lingers around. Then in the morning, I saw a letter that my mom is reading. A letter from her to him. I didn't mean to peek at it but I want to know what's wrong. It's 3 pages long. I cried after reading the 1st page.
Many ppl asked me, how am I going to celebrate my birthday. I said with my family. They asked me about my friends. I said no. I felt like some pathetic loner who had no friends. I meant nothing, it's just an after thought. I don't really like celebrating my birthday because everyone's attention will be on me. Which I will feel not at ease. But I compared between last year and this year's. Everything changes. Feelings changes.
I always thought that when I lost balance from my friendship, I will find the lever of balance in my family. But, they are not in the mood to care about me now. Then I realised that, there is always this one person who had been there for me. GOD. He's there. I'm lost and He held my hand and guided me through.
Like what Eunice sister says, I will perservere on and finish this race strongly! =)
I'm 18 years old now. It's time for me to grow up. To be less inmature and be more thoughtful about things around me.
I'll never force things anymore.
For I came to realise that no matter how many 100 percent you gave to someone, that someone just don't really need you. The 100 percent is just equates to nothing. Whether is it friends or anything. I will not need anyone to rely on anymore. Friends or not. If you need me, I'll be there. But after ystd, I realised that no matter how close you are towards someone, she will still be someone else.
A rather saddening post but yet, it's a realisation for me in my beginning of my 18 years of life. It's time for me to grow up.
Thank you for the birthday wishes I had received and the presents that are blessed to me. A birthday cake from my class 4e4'08, a Lady Gaga remix CD from my little brother and a book from niang. (:
words spilled @ 8:57 PM /
leave goosebumps here ⋄
