Today, I flared up. My past rebellious character broke out and I sort of scolded my friends. I felt bad but during that situation, there's nothing I could do but flare up.

The last thing that I want to do is to go back to the past, the self which I dreaded the most. The most obnoxious and selfish me. Quick-tempered, intimidating. But because the matter touched my sore point.

I'm tired. I'm helpless. I'm lost.

It's not the matter of losing my faith, I still strongly believe that Father is here to help me. It's humanity. I hate myself. I'm not stress, nor worried about school work. There's this feeling which I can't bring myself to feel what is it. This whole emptiness, this heavy feeling that I'm feeling. I figure out, it's helplessness.

I just want to bawl and cry out loud. Those emotions which are trapped within me for so long.

But even if I do that, will anyone hear those cries? Words of concern without action, do they still meant concern? After breaking the promises then apologise, for so many times, what does this mean?

Music, people judge me for listening to K-pop. But that is the only channel which could allow me to let it all out.

Praying, people judge me for being too religious. But no one can make me feel so loved and well protected, only God can.

At least for now, I'm all done with MP and now it's left with my presentation and the results for it.

Probably due to the assignments and quizzes that are coming up that's making me cranky and horrid. I just somehow had a little cold war with my parents. I'm prideful, I don't like apologizing when I know I'm in the wrong. I know I should respect them not just for the sake of respecting them but because they are my parents and this is one of the many values that God had taught me. But there are just times when I really can't maintain my composure anymore and just want to break down there and then. I want to talk to them because I'm struggling to hold on to too much things. But they just make a joke out of it and all the words and all the thoughts that I want to say, those words that took me a lot of courage to speak out, just went back down. It was then I realised that, through all the problems that I faced, when I needed someone to talk to, no one was there. There are many times when I picked up my phone, trying to call someone but I just doesn't have the courage to. Because subconsciously I know that, no one actually cares about other people's problem. Because they have their own's to attend to.

Even since SIP begins, through what had happened, I never want to show what is beneath those smiles. Because it's really, easier to show a smile than crying a pool of tears to show them how broken I am. Maybe because it's all those things that had happened, cause me to lose interest in relationships and to pursue what I want. But instead, I'm heading for my own passion.

Have you ever been to places where memories still lingers there? The places where we laughed and had fun can become places where you felt the ache in the heart. I miss my friends. I missed those times when school is just us and from time to time, we will study really hard just to ace the important examinations. But change is inevitable. People grow and they will grow out of the past. Situations become awkward and conversation becomes shorter and shorter. Will there still be a miracle whereby things will go back to how it used to be? I'm still trying to figure this out.

People say this is life but I would think it as Faith. Am I still holding on to the values that God is teaching me? Am I still holding on to the faith whereby God tells me that no matter what happens, He will be there. Yes, I believe. Because through all the things that had happened, He had showed me His unfailing love and faithfulness to me. My life can look normal on the surface but God and I are together fighting a battle everyday. In fact, I am facing financial problems now. Crying over money issue and worrying over it becomes a daily thing. Why? Because I'm foolish. It's my own problem, my own act that causes me to suffer. But I know that God tells me that no matter what is going on, He is there to protect me. He will ensure that I will come out of the battle unharm but stronger than ever. By looking at my worrying list, just shows the size of my God. I'm keeping it to the minimal, zero. I'm never going to let go, I will forever be praying and praying because this is the life I had chosen and I can boldly say, this is the one choice which I had never regretted. Getting to know God and accept Christ, is the best thing I had ever done to myself.

Still, whatever I have now, I am going to cherish it. I'm willing to be there for anyone. Even if the world abandons me, I know that there's someone who will never ever throw me away. Thank You Father. Amen.

I want to do so many things in a day. I want to study, revise on the daily lectures and tutorials I had attended. I want to study Korean, I want to study Piano, I want to read the books I had borrowed from the library. I need to do my projects, assignments and MP! And lastly, I need time to use the computer! haha. But I always end up procrastinating instead of doing the above mentioned. Argh. So many things! I went from normal to berserk a few moments ago and my little brother is having fun poking fun of me. haha. Oh well, I should really know how to manage my time well!

Ohmy! One most important thing which I should not have forgot and yet I had forgotten. The time with GOD. Yes! If I don't have time for Him, it means that I really am busy. But I don't want to go a day without my quiet time. I want to pray everyday, without falling asleep. I want to talk to Him every day and commit everything unto Him. I should not forget this most important thing!

Alrights, I got the piano score sheet printed out and because I don't have a keyboard now, I shall memorise those lyrics. Shall head to Yamaha tomorrow and check out the prices. Why must they open at 12pm during weekdays! haha. Then I have to go check it out after doing my MP. :|

MP! ARGHHHH.......

This week had been a slack week though it's only the 2nd week of school. I'm still enjoying school though I'm still trying to focus on the lectures. School for 3 days for this week and next week as Monday is gonna be a public holiday. Shall use this time to study! :)

Heading to school tomorrow to study, though APEL class was shifted to next week. Then in the evening, to Titanic Museum. :)

Went to Walk for Rice today with niang and Evon. We walked a total of 1,400m, which is equivalent to 1.4KM. Quite little though. 7 rounds and we donated 7 bowls of rice! Just in a short span of time we did some good deed. :)

Alrights, today had been a very happy day because I had fun laughing my head off with Sharon and Evon mostly. haha! Love them. :)

Okays, hopefully everyday will be like this. hehe. :)

900th post, completed! Time for bed! :D

2nd week of school. MP judgement in another 21 days which is 3 weeks. :| Scary things equals to stress. But nonetheless, I must work hard for it. Hope everyone will be alright so that after this MP thing, we can have fun! Time to party! haha!

Stomach feels so not alright. Shall head to bed and think of happy thoughts!

Lastly, to conclude, I shall mention someone who had never left my thoughts. There are many people, of course the first is God, then my family and friends. But him. I shall let the picture conclude this post. :)

I think if I'm free tomorrow, I shall go for the rice walk thing! :)

GOOD NIGHTS~ ^^