Today was actually a very good day for me. In the afternoon was talking with my mummy and some of the BB boys. I was having a lot of fun and in the evening, i went for my physics tuition. Little did i know, everything change totally. One of my pet hamster had pass on. At first, I thought my dad was just lying to me, but when until i found the dead body. It was so hard when i touch it. The body was hard and cold. I broke down. Memories of my pet hamster and i came rushing into my mind. I cried harder. I could not control myself.

Labels: I love you

teehee. i'm now rushing to do my assignment, history. SBQ. I don't understand how to do it and i dont feel like doing but kailin say its for my own good, so i gonna do it.

Just checked my dates for olvl. I cant go GB annual camp! Its on the 24Oct to 26Oct! I've got emaths and amath papers on that day! eek!
8Nov, Ms Chiam's wedding. I gonna go. I dont care. Once in a life time, and somemore i'm only left with physics and chem paper 1. Both can choose randomly from the choices. opps. sounds like i dont care abt olvl. hahas. It's not that. I'm studying. [=
Anyways, I love GB. [=
I love schools. I love my friends. [=

Peepo! hahas. Before sch reopens, i had said that i will not be blogging so often but as i was looking at my blog, i had noticed that i had been blogging almost everyday. opps. [=

Anyways, I went for GB today! I love GB. [=
They got their badges. Every Sec3s gt their senior pins! So cool lah. hahas. Hope that they will all go PBB camp. I was told that whether we will get the PBB will be notified by ms Chiam. Scary. ]= I seriously hope the three of us could get. [= Trust in Lord! Amen! [=
Anyways, we nominated for someone to fill up the CSM post that was left vacant. Kristel, Clarie and Lisa were the three "survivors". hahas. They will be interviewed. I hope God will choose the right one. [= Actually the three of them were all equally good, nah, all the sec3s were great.

Went for basketball today. Finally. After a week of being a couch potato, i'm active again. [=
My shooting was bad than ever. I should stop being so stuck up, thinking that i know a bit of basketball i will show off, I should train more. A champion is someone humble and with teamwork, there's champion. So, I should not be so stuck up anymore. I will train more. Be humble. First time playing match with Jonathan mama and Huiji. hahas. It was fun. Mama's basketball playing was great even though he had not played for 6months. [=

I felt uneasy about the things changing around me. Nothing is the same anymore. Not anymore...

today school was quite alright, mother tongue lesson was terrible. It's not boring, it's just terrible. It's not about the lesson that is boring nor the teachers. It's just something.

Going GB tmr. [=
Wearing Full uni. Must polish boots. [=
hahas.

eeeks! These few days were simply not the best days of my life. I felt down in the dumps. (A new phrase I had just learnt today during Eng supp)
There's like so many so many things in my mind, my mind is in a whirl. There's a lot of things flowing through my mind and my mind was in a mess.
For example, last night, i was so tired that everything i thought were so wrong. I almost thought i had depression. hahas.
Today was the fourth day since school reopen. There's GB parade this sat and i will be going for CE. I wonder why they will be wearing full uni. I hope to be able to have a game of basketball though.
Luckily there's no homeworks these few days. I'm relieved. [=

These few days had been thinking about friends stuffs. Why do friends quarrel? Is there no way to turn back because of some minor things? I know that in friendship, quarrels were inevitable. It is a way to be more bonder. But, i don't know. I had seen with my own eyes that my friends were started to scatter and they ain't the same as before. I know that these things will happen but i just don't want to see it happen so soon. These few days, i had seriously give a thought about one particular friend and me. She had been a long friend to me. But we ain't like normal friends. We only sms each other and don't normally call each other. Even in holidays, we don't contact each other and in schools, she will be doing the talking most of the time. And i had seen my friends around me, they shared secrets and share many things between each other. But she and me are totally different. There are things which i don't want her to know and there are things which i didnt tell her because i think that after i had told her, she will be sarcastic about it. And, we can't consider as close friends though. We are just like normal friends. She can do without me, me too, can do without her. In school, sometimes i will be angry with her. Because of her doings. I had always thought that she don't want me to go with my other friends. These are my thoughts. I don't know what she will be thinking. There are times which i had seriously wanted to let go of this friendship. But, thinking that she will be alone, i gave up that thought. I don't mind being alone, I don't mind sacrifice myself to let my friends to have a partner. I don't mind, seriously.

eeks. I'm grumbling again. I shall stop here though. Maybe some basketball playing will do me good. Or even some studying.

yoohoo peepo! I'm eager to blog. Nah, my fingers were itching to type and blog! School was fine, i managed to wake up early on the first day and i am not rushing throughout. I still have some free time after i had my breakfast. [=
I had mother tongue lesson the first two periods and linan teacher say the secret to get an A1 is to be "bian tai"! hahas. I was telling Pris about this during recess and therefore, we decided to name our basketball team "bian-tai" instead of "shermeen ball". hahas. School was fine, just that normally first day of school we tend to be more sleepy. I almost fell asleep during SS lesson. It was simply b-o-r-i-n-g. [=
Went to KFC after sch and studied, actually was spending half of the time laughing due to the drawings of my beloved shermeen jiejie. hahas. She drew the spongebob family. [=
Went for Physics tuition after that.

Second day was ST.John's Day. I miss drill session. I miss it a lot. since i had stepped down already, I can't do drill anymore. The only drill session which i will have will be GB day which is coming soon. I was told that there's a Speech day rehearsal on 10july. I want to join! But, since i'm sec4 this yr, Ms neo confirm won't let me join since i did badly for her physics for mock exam. How i wish i could join. I miss standing under the sun, doing drills and many things. ]=
Pris got A1 for her CCA! That's great, nah, Fantastic!. hahas. How i wish i could get an A1 too. But i didnt join NDP last yr, therefore i don't think i could. ]=
Had emath remedial and on the way home, saw jieni! hahas. [= I love her. [=
I did my work and went art room, saw nisarat jie's drawing. It was fabulous! If i was the teacher, i will grade her 100/100. [=

My mood was not so okay these few days, so if i had offended any of you, I'm sorry. ]=
I didnt want to offend anyone, I did not want to find troubles, it is just that i had not been so happy these few weeks or months. Especially today. I will be fine soon, i hope...

It's been a week since PBB camp and looking back at that time, i think i had seriously learnt a lot and maybe grow a lot since that camp. I remembered crying not wanting to go to the camp. I remembered deciding to not talking to anyone in the camp. I remembered of my relunctant-ness to go to the camp. Since young, I had been hating to go camps. Maybe because it was until sec1 then i had experienced camps. Girls' Brigade always had an annual camp and i will learn from it. But PBB is different. After the camp, I had learnt more things which i will never learnt outside. I had learnt to mix around more and not cared about what others think about me. Whether they like me anot is their choice. I can't control them. After the camp, I had learnt to cherish the friends i had now. And also, I had learnt to live each day to its fullest. Even though there was time which i will spend my time using the computers for unnecessary use, watching tv till wee hours and causing myself to be tired in the morning and wasted my time on revision. I should stop it after the June holidays. This year's June holiday is short for me. The first two weeks were spend on school and the third week was spend on camp and the last week was spend on homeworks and basketball practices. But through PBB camp, I had learnt a lot of things. I seriously had learnt. Whether i will get the pioneer brigader brooch anot, it's God's plan. I shall not worry.
I will also prayed hard for the friendship between my friends to be much more stronger. I know that they really treasured each other but maybe because of some problems, when they wanted to say something but when words had came to the mouth, it stopped. They swallow back what they wanted to say. I just hope that they will not let their pride took over them and I seriously hope the best in them. I know that i had no right to say them but they are the one i love. No one is to be lagging at the back. If there should be someone at the back, let me be the one...

Sch reopening in few more hours or tmr. Was looking at people's blog, some were looking forward to it, some were not. I was kinda of looking forward for it. To go back to the battlefield and to have my battle with the book devils. Maybe they are not devils, they are devil in disguise. I must conquer them and understand them. So, hope that while i was study hard, I will enjoy myself in the process and hope that my friends will be happy everyday and hope that my problems with some friends will not repeat again this coming semester. Whatever problems i met, or anything, i will take it to heart, i shall learnt what i had done wrong and be more compromising to my friend. Whatever she wants, i shall listen. But if she was too much, like her habit, talking bad about others, wanting me to leave my group of friends, i shall not care about her that much then. Man, i had decided to stop gossiping to others and change for the better and now i am doing bad things. I will change. I will. I promise.

Had just check up my new time table. Guess what, the first reaction i had was stare blankly at the computer screen. The new timetable was really a bad one. But i hope that they will just be trying out for a week and change it to a better one the next wk.
There will be more lessons and the bag will be much more heavier.

And and, due to the o's are coming, i will not be able to blog so often. Maybe once or twice a week. I think i'm gonna miss using my computer. When sch reopens, i'm not gonna have lunch nor recess because i had to save money for my tuition fees. If there's extra lessons in the afternoon, den that will be too bad, had to starve myself. Or, go home had lunch. But i cant leave kailin alone in sch, so maybe will stay in sch see them eat. hahas. will confirm have breakfast and dinner.

Going to church tomorrow to enjoy my last day of holiday. Hope that everything will turn out fine and ya. what i wish for will come true. God bless. [=

P.S. My mouth is still swollen. hahas.

While i was blog hopping, I had came across pris's livejournal. It had said about someone had passed away and that he will be getting married next yr and his fiancee had never said "I love you" to him before and she regretted not saying to him and she will never had any chance to tell him anymore.
After reading that, i had an urge to cry. In everyone's heart, there's always something that we regretted not doing it or had done it. We only live life once and regrets often came creeping into our life to defeat us.
Like and love is a total different thing and had different meaning. In my opinion, to like someone is just a way of thinking, we like someone or something because their outward appearance caught our sight and we wanted to get hold of it just so that we can show off to others. But, had we really thought about the feelings of the other party. No one likes to be use by other people. They wanted to be treated fairly by others. So, when you had wanted to use someone, always remember what if one day you are used?
However, to love someone, is to be able to give up almost everything you had in your life for the special someone.

"Food for thought, think of this: Have you really cared for someone more than you expected? Have you ever tried to love him despite of all the pain? Will you keep on loving him as he whispers someone else's name? It's better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than lose that someone you love with your useless pride. When you love someone, don't expect that person to love you back the same amount. One of you will be the head, the other behind. It's either you catch up or the other waits. When you love, you must not accept anything in return, for if you do, you're not loving but investing. If you love, you must prepare to accept pain, for if you expect happiness, you're not loving but using. True love hears what is not spoken, and understands what is not explained, for love doesn't work in the mouth, nor the mind, but in the heart. Love is like standing on wet cement, the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave and you can never go without leaving your prints behind. Don't love a person like a flower, because a flower dies in season. Love them like a river because a river flows forever. Love doesn't have a happy ending, cause love doesn't have to end at all..." These are extracted from someone's blog.

Personally, i had things to regret too. One thing which haunted me for so long, is that i had let go of someone i love. I had let him go when there was still a chance for turning back.

Ok, enough of those. hahas. I think its getting bored. Ok, today i had a fulfilling day playing basketball. and i got hit by a ball thrown by some girl from st hildas' sec. The ball hit my left side of the face. My specs was twisted but luckily was ok now and it hit my mouth, it was bleeding. I was shocked to see blood. ]= It was swollen till now.

Just one last thing, my personal thought. I believe in eternal love. God's love is for eternal. true love? I don't know. Maybe yes, maybe no. But God's love is for sure. [=

I'm satisfied with myself today. I did all my homeworks. Well, not all. hahas. I managed to finish every single one which i remembered and only left with the emaths booklet. [=

Tomorrow gonna play basketball. Just hope that the weather will be fine and the basketball court will have no occupants. [=

After tomorrow, no more playing, less playing and more works. [=
That's a good way to keep me occupied. Even though i flood my mind with homeworks and sch works, i will still leave spaces for God. [=

I had nothing to blog but so as to keep my blog alive as long as possible, i shall blog about something.
Well, had been happy these few days because i am able to play basketball. But after some serious thoughts, these few days, had been asking myself, am i really happy? Ever since the thing that happens last year, I had been asking myself repeatedly, am i really happy?
Well, you can ask me why am i so negative or sad or anything, there's always nothing i could say. I could just say, I am alright. Well, that's what i am going to say. I'm alright.

I don't want to move on. I want to stay in the past. I want to be able to wait eagerly for a miracle to happen like a small kiddo. But as time goes by, it was really very hard to be staying in the past. Everything seems to change even my mindset. I don't know how long am i going to wait. But i know that i will be waiting for as long as possible.

Staying at home tomorrow to finish my homeworks as much as possible and on friday, i will want to play basketball just before the sch reopen which will take away my basketball time.

People, from tmr onwards or tonight, gonna shed my weight gain away. hahas. Gonna start jogging in the morning, doing exercises, eat less. hahas.
Today went to have a game of basketball and i heard from pris that if those had gotten the PBB will receive a invitation within these two weeks. After hearing that, my heart sank. I know that i will not be able to get it. I had no initiative or anything in the camp. All i had done is do the things which i am told to do so and do reporting and saluting. There's seriously nothing i had contributed to. ]=
But, if i really could got it, i know that i will be extremely jubilated and i know that i didnt got it on my own, it was God's work on me. But the chances of getting the PBB is very very very very very very very very very very small. hahas.
Gonna wait for the invitation to arrive. But i wonder will i be able to got it. ]=
Have faith in God! [=

I suddenly miss a lot of things. I miss GB. I wanted to go back. Since the start of the PBB camp, I had been dreaming weird stuffs and things that is not possible to be happening and unexpected people. Why are there dreams? What causes dreams? I really wonder sometimes...

hmm.. since i had nothing to blog about today, so i will be blogging about the PBB camp. i will say about the food today.
The food for the PBB camp is part of the torturing part. hahas. we were given about 2-3 servings per meal. it was really really torturing to eat alot at a go. Every meal, without fail, i will have the urge to cry. Pris had told me too that she also had the urge to cry. The second day's lunch was quite ok. We don't have to eat so much though. hahas. It was fish and chips. The rest were like green bean and red bean soup, rice, noodle, vegetables, chicken rice, etc.
Supper was also another torturing one, we were to finish every single thing in our plates and everything.

hmm... my group mates. all thanks to them that i really enjoyed the camp throughout. [=

Playing Basketball tomorrow! [=

Hey people! I'm back from my PBB selection camp and do you still remember hearing me saying that i don't want to go? Well, I think that I seriously enjoyed it to the fullest. Well, maybe not the first day. First day was seriously, time was crawling! It was unbearable. We were forced to finish every single bit of food left and i am seriously staffing myself with food for the 4 days for breakfast, luncha nd dinner and supper! But, as the days proceeded on, everyday were filled with different challenges to face. I think i'm gonna jus say the important points or else it will put people to slp.[= Oh ya, i think i totally flunked my PBB badge. I did not had any initiative or any outstanding performances. It will take miracle that i could take the badge. The badge is 5 CCA points! Well, here goes:

12 June 2008; Thursday:
I woke up at 5.15am and was pulling a long face. I seriously did not want to go. My mum went downstair with me. The bus came and I went up. I cried on the journey to Tampines Interchange. I weep silently. Nobody saw that i was crying. I reached and Jieni was already there, Pris reached at about 6.40am. She was crying too. It is not that she misses home, it is just that something happens. We bought our breakfast and the bus was not ready at 6.55am. We panicked and decided to hail a taxi down to cab down to GB HQ. Reached HQ at about 7.15am. We adjusted out uniforms at the toilet and went to eat our breakfast. But when we had just eaten about 4-5bites, the madam asked us to fall in at the basketball court and we threw away our breakfast. *sobs* We had uniform inspection and went to the hall with our luggages and we were seperated. Yups, the three of us were separated. I was in the group "Peace", Jieni was in Group "Love" and Pris was in the Group "Wisdom". I didn't talk all the way, because I am those kind of girl who does not opens up and mix with strangers. I only smile when they looked at me. Everything was to be in order. The time spend was strictly following the timetable given. We were a bit blur as we just reached the camp and we don't really know others well and we were quite often late and in the night, just before we went to sleep, we were punished. We were in the dorm, when we heard the whistle blow, we had to fall in outside and we did that three times. and stand for about 15mins. Oh ya, I was in a shocked when i saw my name, I am the assistant group leader for Peace. When I saw most of my group mates were having a good time together, I felt heart ache as I had not really went to mix around with them and i felt really really lonely. ]=

13 June 2008; Friday:
I was having muscle ache on the hand and i was very happy as thursday had passed. I had been counting down. For every programme, we are to report 5mins before hand and the activities for today was; Rise and Shine at 6.30am. We could only leave our dorm only when we heard whistle blow at 6.30am. After that, 5BX. Quiet Time, Breakfast, Grp Planning time, Devotion, Session, Lunch, Team building game, Shower Time, Dinner, Session, Evaluation, Supper and lights out. Today was the most terrifying day of all. Maybe because it's friday, 13th. We were sweating like mad when we were playing the team building game, it lasted for 4hrs for just a single game. It's called the moat challenge. The team building game had ate into our shower time and we were only given 1hr to bathe and when the time was eaten, we were left with less than an hour to bath, with only 15 cubicles for 100plus people. It was very rushing. I managed to get a cubicle and i only had about 3mins to bath. Some of my grp mates did mass bathing, which i don't dare. Some other grp had powder bath which i don't really understand what's that. hahas. Luckily no punishment today. We were given an assignment to plan for Special Night. The different part of the activities for the day were planned by different grps. so, we were only given only a bit time to plan for activities.

14 June 2008; Saturday:
Activities for the day: Rise and Shine, 5BX, Quiet Time, Breakfast, Grp Planning time, Devotion, Energizer, Session, Lunch, Energizer, Session, Games, Shower Time, Dinner, Special Night, Bonding time, Evaluation, Supper, Light out. EVerything were in a rush and i had managed to mix around with my grp mates and i really learnt a lot from them. Special night was somehow a blast! hahas. I am proud of my grp. [=
As tonight was the last night, we were told of the total amount of time we were late for the whole of three days. We were late for 30plus minutes. And at supper time, we were told to be given only 5 minutes to change into out full uni and we were in a rush. Those who were late will be dealed again. I was really panicked. In the middle of the night, rushing to wear full uni. strange, but true. After that, we were punished to be standing in senang di-ri position for about 30mins. My left knee was really hurting as i had hurt it before. When i was standing, the tightness was all focused on my left knee and all i could do was grit my teeth and hope that the time will pass faster. Oh ya, during bonding time, most of us cried because it's our last night. I only had tears on my eyes while others were all crying. today was the toughest day from the beginning of the day till the end of the day.

15 June 2008; Sunday:
We had programmes and time really flew by us. We were wearing our full uni and saying goodbyes to our beloved grp mates. I changed out of full uni after the camp with jieni and pris and jieni's cousin, dora.

Oh ya, gonna introduce my grp mates which i truly adored! They are, Sheila(2nd coy); WeiXin(3rd coy); Hui Ling(4th coy); Zoe(13coy); Jollie(19th coy); Amanda(28coy); Mandy(34th coy); Audrey(42coy); Wai ian(45coy); Beryl(47th coy); Serene(48th coy); Shi Tian(70th coy) and Mrs Lau! It was them who open my heart to mix around with them, if they were not there for me when i was at the lowest part of my life, i will be a bitter gourd for the whole of four days and the love and concern showered from them is seriously extraordinary. I hope that we will still stay in contact and be firm friends forever.[=

Hey people. This blog will be down for 4days. Maybe sunday i will be blogging if i am not too tired. I seriously hope that sunday will come faster.
I seriously is not intersted going there but i will treat it as a training and it is God's Plan for me. Whether i will get the Pioneer Brigader Brooch or not, I will commit unto the Lord's hands.
I had been counselling myself that thursday will pass with some ice breakers, checking into dorm, making friends. Night time come, Bath, fellowship, maybe some night activities and slp tight! But doubt i will be sleeping but maybe i will use the time to think about somethings. Just hope that morning faster come, we will have PT, devotions, breakfast, workshops, lunch, workshops or fellowship, dinner, night activities, bath, area cleaning, fellowship and slp. Dunno if i will slp not. Will endure the night and hope morning will come faster. Morning came again and it's sat! PT, breakfast, devotion, workshops, test? lunch, games, night comes, dinner, area cleaning, night activity, bathe, slp. Maybe i will be able to slp. Morning comes, Its sunday!!!
Woohoo! But, that's what i'm thinking. But the reality? I don't know.. ]=
But i shall not be scared for i will be bringing a notebook along, to write down what i had done in the camp every night and blog it when i am home! And of course, God is there by me! [=
I will be back soon! I hope...

Well, gonna go polish boots le. meeting jieni and pris tmr at 6.30am. Waking up at 5.15am. [=

This is the second post for today. I think? It's 12.04am now. I think it's the first post of 11June. Okays, I'm so bored now. I'm so obssessed in blogging now. I wonder how will i survive without having to blog for three days or four days while i am away for my camp. 1 more day left for my camp. I had been looking forward for it during the day time but suddenly so not looking forward for it at night. Wonder what am i thinking about.

Anyways, there's bad news. After the party, I had heard the news that one of the church people, his daughter had passed away. I remembered the church congregations praying for her to be healthy again. But while she was on the plane back to Singapore, she passed away in the plane. But, she's now living with God. I know she will be happy. [=

I don't know what others might think, but these few days, i like to be sad. I wonder why. But talking with weisian never fails to lift my mood. It's fun talking to him but I can't really always rely on him as he also had others things to care about. like for example, staying hot. nah, just being lame here. Anyways, am very grateful for the group of friends that God had put into my life. My GB Fam; My Cliques; My listening ears; My advicers. I own all of you a big Thank You! [=
I will leave the thank yous for thanksgiving day. I will name every single one out! because you all impacted my life! You all made a difference in my life. [=

Labels: Thank You

Hey peeps. Today was a fun day playing with my beloved GB girls. hahas. The farewell party was held at Ms.Tay's house. Her house was so convenient. It was just beside Downtown East! Yeap. The condo beside Downtown East is her house. Anyways, gonna say that i had a lot of fun today and i love my GB girls. [=

Had gave a serious thought about going to the PBB camp, i am going to have fun and try my best to mix around to make new friends. If my sec2s could do it, why not me? I will jus endure the 4days and i will be expecting a lot of scoldings from the officers. But shall not hold any grudges. Just finish the 4days and i'm free! [=

After the camp, gonna have a long post and more Basketball! [=
Gonna start study and on the 19th going to TM and play arcade. I seriously miss basketball.
Because basketball makes my skin to become more tan or bronze. It makes me look healthy. And the best of all, it brushed up my skills and i might be able to grow taller! [=

Anyone interested, could leave me a msg and i will tell you the time and date after confirming it with my friends. [= I doubt there will be interested in it. =X

I love GB56th. [=

yohoo people. hahas. I had a lot of fun today. From 11am all the way till 4pm, i had been playing basketball with my pris, sharon, evon and cherie. hahas.
Due to the long time standing under the scorching sun, i was sun burnt. hahas. My nose and hands are both red and indeed, i am darker now. hahas. Yipee!
Just hope that i could grow taller though.[=
As i had said, i am going to PBB camp on thursday and after the camp, i hope that i will be able to play more basketball. [=

There's a farewell party for the sec4s tmr. Pris had not confirm whether she could go not, i hope she could go. hahas. Jieni will be late. I don't know about me. Just hope that pris will be able to go. [=

The people going to Japan will be coming back tmr. It was so fast. Time seems to flew past when they were not around. Just hope that time will go faster on thursday, friday, saturday and sunday. [=
I am worried that i wont be able to mix around with the people. But, I will heed Eunice sister's advice. hahas. God will be there for me. I shall not be worry about what will happen for whatever happens, it will be what He had plan for me. [= Jia you Vanessa! You can de! [=

It seems like I had been blogging every day since the june holiday started despite me saying wanted to work hard for my prelims or olvl. hahas. Well, i can't study or stay still for a long time, and i miss using the computer even for a few hours. hahas. I am seriously addicted to using the computer. I should kick the habit off. I started doing serious studying, maybe not, since friday. I did my Emaths Self-pace booklet and i had completed ChaiCheeSec, PingYiSec and Singapore Sports School's paper 1. Now, doing the St Hildas' Sec paper 1 halfway. hahas. Well, I'm bored. Seriously bored. But there's a few activities for this coming week. I'm playing basketball tmr and I hope that the weather will be like today's, no rain! I will be doing my self-pace booklet on tuesday, wednesday. On thursday, I'm off to camp. ='(
I dreaded camps. But for the honour of GB 56th, I will go! But, I will not be having those i-will-go-for-the-sake-of-going attitude. I will try to have fun at the camp. Makes lots of friends and open up and try to show my leadership skills, if i gt. Doubt I have those leadership skills in me.
Heard there will be workshops. I just hope that everyday will be workshops and workshops, so i will not need to talk and just listen to the people talking. No games, and hope that at night, when we went to bed, we will be sleeping in the same domitory. Doubt it. I also hope that i won't want to go to the loo at night. It's scary. And hope that I am able to wake up in time. And lastly, I hope that the four days will pass quickly! hahas.
After the camp, I should do some serious studying and when works comes, fun must be in line! I wanted to play basketball! hahas.
Gonna play basketball tmr and I wanted to sweat like mad to vent away all my unhappiness all away. [=

No Rain tmr please! [=

Well, today is a bad day. Bad bad day.
Everything's just not going the right way. I should had went WWW with evon they all even if it is just sitting outside the WWW, not being able to go in.
It started with my mum, having her saturday's bad mood during the morning and early afternoon.
Then, just recently, i quarrelled with my elder brother. I was using the com and he wanted to do something and it was about a letter writing format thingy. I wanted to help him do but something happen in between and he said i keep occupying the com and walked away with his temper. I was seriously mad when he walked away. But then, after some thoughts, i am in fault. Yes, i am. But for me, saying sorry is very difficult. hahas. So, i dun think i will want to talk to him for a few day. ]=
Playing basketball on monday...[=

hohoho. Today, i went market with mummy. hahas. When i was walking home, at the traffic light, I heard someone calling me at my back. I turned to find Jieni calling me. hahas. Walk with her awhile and went back to mummy's side. hahas.
At home, I am trying my best to solve the rubiks cube but to no avail. Only experts could solve it. Evon can! hahas. I cant! But i will do my best to solve it. I could go to youtube to learn it and i had tried the first lesson, i had succeeded in solving one face but after offing my com, i forgotten. hahas. I went to KFC and was late. hehe. sorry cherie. hahas. Bought lunch for my didi and he walked home alone and i stay there to study. I regret not bringing my jacket! It was freezing cold in there and i stayed in there for about 3hrs plus to 4hrs. After Pris came, we bought lunch and we talked a lot. It was a nice chat for me. hahas. I was shivering while talking. hahas.
Had decided to have a game of basketball on monday! yay. hahas. gonna ask evon, sharon, pris and cherie. if i could i will call more ppl. wanna join? hahas.
I cant go to WWW tmr due to some problems. shall not talk abt it. I'm sorry Evon. ]=
I had decided to go for Amaths and Physics tuition. It will be costly and i had decided to pay half of it to lighten my dad's burden and that will be $90 in total. For me to pay. To save $90 in one month, hmm... I had done the necessary calculation. hahas.
My one month allowance is $100. $25 per week. To save $90, I had to save about $23 a week and that means i will be only left with $2 a week. One day will be $0.40. ]=
How to survive with 40cents. hahas. Money problems and many problems... ]=

Why deny to say that you had stop liking someone when you still thinks about him everytime?
Why put up a front when your heart is hurt and bleeding?
Why do we seek attention in front of your love ones?
Many why(s) unsolved... But all the foolish acts was done for our love ones...
If the world had no love, wouldnt it be a less hurtful world but without love, the world will be cold and unpassionate...
To love someone is easy but to stop loving someone is tough because they had become part of your life gradually...

"The lessons we learn from our failures are lessons that help us succeed, and if we are wise and we heed them, then failure is just what we need... We face failures almost everyday. No matter how big or small the failures are, failures often set us back. However, failures are learning experiences, it is on our failures that we base a new and different and better success..."

Today is a day of setbacks. went back to school to take my science results. Well, as i had expected, I failed quite terribly. well, not so bad bah. i thought i will get single digit but i got a 41/100 for chem, 33.8/100 for physics. Ms Neo and Ms Zaleha thinks that i should not drop, i should continue to take my pure sciences. They said that if i work harder, i can do well. Therefore, I gave them my word. To work hard for my both sciences. Jia you vanessa. [=

Went to play basketball. Seriously, I Love playing basketball. It drained aways my energy to think about those things that should not be thought about. I had a lot of fun playing with pris, cherie, evon and sharon. hahas. I Love them lots. [= Played 3-on-3 with some sec1 kids. hahas. they were good. hahas. Evon, sharon and me got hit by the ball thrown by one of the guy on the head. hahas. ended the game with some stupid idiotic sec sch guys going into the court playing and shooting while we were having our game. Hellos! People were playing a match there and you all go chap in! where's the spirit of not disturbing people when they were having match? Stupid people! Uncivilised people! arghh. hahas.

I saw 2 shuai guys. actually there's three. but i prefer the two. hahas. Evon and sharon and me were talking about them. hahas. [= They like the three of them. hahas.

Tmr gonna mugging at KFC with pris, cherie and mayb evon, and sharon. [=

"Life is full of choices. To choose the correct and the one which you will not regret choice is very difficult. Until today, I was talk by my friend that i am very indecisive. My words could not be trusted. If i said i wanted to do something or go somewhere, I will back out the last minute. So, she said, if i promised to do something, she had to think the other way because i will change the last minute. I didnt want to do that too. When i choose this decision, my mind will wonder off to the other choice. I know i cant do that but that's me. If i had the choice, I would rather other people to decide for me. Even though people sae our decision decides our fate or destiny, but i would rather others to choose for me..."

Today i went to sch at 8.30am. It was very rare for me to be at home at 8am because by this time, i would be in the sch already. I am not feeling so well, headache and stomache. Shermeen jiejie also.
I didnt went to RELC and i am feeling very guilty while i am at home. Everytime i walk past my house's main door, i had the tendency to run out to sch despite the rain. I felt even bad when i knew that no one in our class had attended. There will be less than 5ppl attending then. Today's the last lesson yet because of my selfishness, i hurt my teacher's heart. I am so selfish.

I also wanted to apologise to Evon, Shermeen and Cherie that i went back my words again. I promised to go to the airport but didnt go in the end. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry.

TO: MR.JAGJIT, SHERMEEN, EVON AND CHERIE;
I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT ATTENDING RELC COURSE AND NOT GOING TO THE AIRPORT. I'M SORRY.

I'm just so selfish... even though i wanted to attend RELC course, even though i wanted to go to the airport but because of some reasons i didnt go.

"I was looking at the hamsters beside me. They are both in cages and containers respectively. Both habitats that they are living in are covered with tall blockages to prevent them from roaming free in the house and to prevent them from running away.
Life is like this too, well, for mine. I am afraid of getting hurt again and was always living in the past, living behind tall large fences, not courageous enough to face the world or reality. Everytime, I had always thought that, if i wanted to protect someone from getting hurt, the other party that was not being protected will be hurt. So, i had always rather myself getting hurt but now, when there's situations, i will always chooses to run away from the problem. But, running away dun solve problems. To face the music is the way to toughen ourselves. mayb, one day, if i had found someone to hold my hand and said that he will be by my side to get rid of the fears, then will i face the reality. but until then, let me be the coward for the time being..."

hmm... today had my chem mock test. It's a goner, i screwed it again. I had already screwed my emaths, amaths and physics. Now its chemistry. I had really study very hard for it but the results that came out is not favourable. But, i will work harder for prelim and the O's.

After sch... Went TM with evon, sharon and kailin. They had went to search present for Louis and finally after walking for like a zillion years, they settled for a shirt. hahas. My leg was hurting and my head was hurting too. but, i managed to get use to the pain eventually. hahas. mayb its the lack of slp that causes my headache. but it had been there for months and i had yet to see the doc. hahas. Went home at 5plus. The arcade was full of new things! i want to go one day! hahas. Saw mama, Huiji, Weiying, Chloe and Yiwei at TM too.

Well, i cant go to the airport tmr! I felt so shite about it! Why cant i go out just like some of my friends late in the night? Sometimes how i wish i could...

RELC course again tmr...

It's sunday today and I went to church today with jieni, huiyan and yun qian. JieYing didnt go because she was too tired and so she didnt go, Kristel didnt go too because she said she had a family outing to the zoo. hahas. So cute. It's been a while since i had went to the zoo. hahas.
Today's service was a nice one. A humorous one too. The pastor was funny and we had quite a laugh during his preaching.
After that, went to eat with them and walk home. hahas. it was fun walking home.

I had finished studying for my History Mock Paper 2. I must score for tmr's SEQ. Jiayous. hahas.

Well, had been staring at the com for so long already yet there's nothing i could blog about. Because these few days had been piling myself up with homeworks and books. Don't wanna to entertain those thoughts which will screw myself up. I felt that other than QT, blogging is the time which i could reflect on what i had been doing so far.

Will be leaving for PBB selection camp soon. so, i want to have a great fun before that. So, anyone wanna have a great fun with me before my camp? (:

I felt so troubled and tired. There's seems to be something in my heart. I don't know leh. Seems like there's something weighing in my heart. But i just don't know what is that. It's been sometime since we talk. Felt like having a fun time with you again. But everytime you online, you will be busy. Don't have the time to talk to you. What happen to the past when we will be crapping and talking to each other our trouble? Why must enjoyable time slip by us? ):

Putting GOD first in my life. Love God. Love Life. Love Others. Heart Of God Church! <3

Hello,
I am Vanessa Quek!


I blog to pen down my thoughts and also to remember the important milestones in my life!

I'm someone who has faith in God and the God within me!

I'm working hard to be in likeness to Christ! Be radical for Him! Giving Him the best years of my life!

HOGC

Interested in Korean culture and their, K-pop

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