These Streets

»Needy

Friday, November 26, 2010

Can someone teach me how to tame my heart?
I hate the feeling when you know that your heart started falling but reality just makes it known that, the two of us will be a mission impossible. The feeling where I wanted to stop my heart from falling hard on you but the heart just don't listen and fall deeper.
I hate the feeling when I know that I had fallen for you and when I started to notice everything you do. Every actions done to other people. You have a way in making me feel so special but then when I sees you talking to others, in a more affectionate way, my heart just sinks.

What is going to happen? I think I should hide in my shell for once. I must stop seeing you, though I wanted to. I must stop trying to get your attention. I should be hidden at the background.

I should stop falling in love. Until I am found by someone I really like.

God, help me. ='(

I don't believe in grabbing opportunities because that would ruin the friendship. Awkwardness will set in and everything just fall. It's like a luck game. It's either this or that. I don't want to take the risk. I don't talk to others about my problem especially in matter of the heart cause they will start seeing me with different point of views. Don't ask me anything. Because I can't... =/

Labels: I should stop.

words spilled @ 9:19 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Sad life, isn't it?

Stoning is my favorite hobby but it wastes time. =/ So I will stone whenever I have the chance to. haha!

However, every time after daydreaming, I wished for the opposite because the things I had daydreamed about is something I fear. Because, when I daydreamed, I made myself believe that, it will happen. Then fear steps in, take away everything that I had hoped for. Every single thing. All that was left were emptiness and loneliness.

Well, everyone have their life to live. Who is good to them, they go to them. Standing true to one doesn't seem to match with the world now. Not everyone could be loyal from the beginning to the end. They just went off. Maybe this is call change. People always don't admit that they change, but change is the only constant in this world, isn't it?

Going through the period of projects now. Time to buck up. Time to set priorities. This time, everything felt so scary. They felt so real. The tense atmosphere, the competing mindset. Everyone wants to win. Everyone wants to do better than others. I just want to win, myself. History should not repeat itself. I must take the change. Even if it costs me. I told Sharon, Evon and niang that if I skip any lectures with effect from tmr, I will treat them starbucks coffee. It may be just a cup of starbucks coffee but this shows my determination.

Many a times, I always hope people could praise me, for my efforts that I thought I had put in enough. But then again, the praises always end up giving it to someone else. Disappointed but this spurs me to work harder. I told myself, I don't need praises from anyone but I only need Him to praise me. Father, I will work hard. (:

It's been raining since afternoon. It's cold and I think I should snuggle up in bed soon. (:

Attractions Management is driving me insane and emotional!

Goodnight everyone! I'm so upset that I didn't get to watch Glee today. =(

Probably tmr. (:

P.S If only I could lead a romance like Sam/Quinn. (:

Labels: Just daydreaming

words spilled @ 2:29 AM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Lost & Tired

Monday, November 22, 2010

People always loss for words at some point of time, isn't it? Won't it be good to have someone who knows your thoughts the instant you look them in the eyes? I believe, for this kind of telepathy, it requires experience, it requires skills and it requires the heart to want to listen.

I stumbled upon obstacles along the path call life. Everyone does, right? We fell, we pick ourselves up, and we fell again. We learn through experience. But this time, I guess I can't pick myself right up so fast. I thought I had regained my balance. I thought I did. I thought it's time for me to move on. But I'm wrong. I was badly affected. I can't move on. Not now.

I believe my feelings for you had faded. But yet, there's still this twinge when I sees you. I tried thinking of someone else. But to no avail. I'm tired of playing this mind game.

Someone spare me. As it says, today is Mondays Blues. =/

words spilled @ 11:19 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Fictions

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Was up at 4.45am today. Had to get ready for a big race today. "Run For Hope". haha. I'm not the runner though. I'm just a marshal, going to ECP to feed mosquitoes. haha!

It was fun looking at joggers who had jogged past us and was about to finish their race. I'm on the return path, about 100m away from the finishing line with aunty sijin and sharon. The 10KM run seems so easy to some people. That they made me want to work hard for my first marathon! Saw familiar faces too. (:

Was talking with sharon today. Well, one conclusion I had come to accept is, some times, things should not be forced. Well, I should take nature on its course. Though it's hard but I know I should. =/ I will try. Especially in touchy topics like love. =/

Had a great dinner today. Should head for bed soon and head start my week great tmr! Got to work hard on accomplishing my goals! (:

Shall go set some goals and off to bed. (:

P.S. I borrowed a book today. A fiction romance novel. If only life is like this. Things might be easy though. =/ But life is made to be not as easy as thought. Brave through! Embrace the storms in life! (:

words spilled @ 11:50 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Broken

Saturday, November 20, 2010

To speak the truth, I'm truly affected by what happened yesterday. Those tears that she shed. Made me realised that I'm not a good enough friend. I'm just not fit to be anyone's friend. That's the don't know how many times I had seen her tear up because she felt lonely and odd one out. I remembered a year ago when I confronted her about being alone and stuff. Telling her to voice out if she's feeling that way. The both of us end up tearing. I ran for the washroom, afraid to let others see my tears and live my life as it was after what happened. After yesterday, I told myself, this can't happen anymore. I must not see her cry for feeling so lonely. Maybe, just maybe, I should leave. At least, she won't feel lonely.

That's the least I can do. Since I can't bring myself to talk and accompany her, I should do something. Nothing's going to change my mind anymore.

words spilled @ 1:58 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Don't Don't Care

Friday, November 19, 2010

Well, I lost in the end. haha. The fact is, I can't don't care about someone whom which you will see everyday, whom you call friend.

I just hate myself simply because I can't break through. I can't break through out of my own shell. I can't express myself well enough. It's like, when I see my friend cry, I don't dare to ask, "hey, why did you cry?" Because I'm scared to hit her soft spot again and cause her to cry. I would rather to leave her alone and her own thoughts.

Guess I ain't good at expressing. I should go and learn more drama. To express myself. I really thank God for the many encouragements my friends gave to me. I truly appreciated it. (:

Hmmmms. At the end of the day, I still have to say, I can't adopt the I-don't-care policy. Cause I simply cannot don't care my friend.

words spilled @ 10:32 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Suck

Life sucks lately. I never thought I would say this but yes, I felt it coming already.

Firstly, it's studies. Yes, studies again. I wanted to do something productively and ended up procrastinating. =/ Arghhh. Well, I got to pray to Father to give me more discipline instill in me. haha.

Well, next is, I think I tore my chest muscles. I think I overstretched myself on one of the equipment last week and resulted on the tearing of my chest muscle.

I don't want to play nice, nor do I want to be so bad. I'm just going to adopt the I-don't-care-you policy. Because no matter what I do, nothing's gonna make you happy or such. I'm tired of wanting to make people laugh. I'm tired of doing all those I'm-gonna-make-you-smile stunts and stuff. To say the truth, I'm drained. I'm really tired. Tired of living up to people's expectations. I can't do this anymore.

I guess, I'm daydreaming again. =/

words spilled @ 12:12 AM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Remain and Discard

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

I found this at Grandma's house just now and took a snap at it with my little brother's phone. Because his phone's megapixel is way better than mine. Like 6.0 megapixel better. haha!

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Well, days passed and tiring days are not over yet. Last Sat, went to Hougang to do Book donation drive then Sunday, a full day event at Marina Bay Sands. So cool! I went to MBS's hotel room just to bathe. haha! How cool is that? Hee. I was like only a few feet away from the Casino also. I sound like some mountain tortoise but nothing could contain my excitement when I went into the hotel room. haha!

Going Universal Studio tmr due to project. Spending money on Attraction Management! Drew lots today and we've got Megazip Adventure Park to work on for our group project. Arghh. We were so close to getting Marina Bay Sands Skypark! =/ haha. But nonetheless, it's ok. (:

Body immune system crashed yesterday. Fever, body aches, headache, stomache. Crap. haha. I felt like crap when I woke up today morning. Though I slept for 13hrs. haha. Just hope the headache don't persist tmr if not I'm gonna puke at anyone who will be sitting beside me for the rides. haha!

That reminds me, I've got to do the Bookselling list! haha. Goodbyes and goodnights! (:

This thing, took me
A few seconds to fell into,
Some enjoyable moments to sink into,
And a hell of a time to drag myself away and out of.
This thing is called love.

I should know my limit and so I'm giving myself a time-out. So I should stop.

I felt the bliss and the time freezes when I held your hand. Though it's not something big to you, but it's something to me. Though you only gave me your hand when I wanted to hide behind you. But still, it's something. =/

words spilled @ 12:27 AM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Finance Management

Saturday, November 6, 2010

I think I needed some financial management for myself. I did some mental calculations about it lately, actually yesterday. I want to save up for an itouch. A 32GB Itouch integrated with camera. I think it will cost me $428. I was thinking, it will take me half a year to save up for it deducting my phone bills and etc. Well, thinking about it, by next sem, I will have my own itouch. But, next sem, I'll be away for SIP. Will I even need it. haha. Well, I could save up for something else, I guess.

I needed money to get Leadership and Character's textbook which will cost me $37. Arghhh. Money money. If only I could be money free. haha.

Ohwell, back to books I guess. haha. Tata! (:

words spilled @ 7:13 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Life, as we call it...

Friday, November 5, 2010

Everything is starting to become a pattern. Like how every day starts and ends. It's becoming a routine. Reluctantly, I woke up and bathe. Off to school and I'm heading for the lecture theatres. Un-understood lectures, catching up to do. Sleepy mood on, study mood off. Break time, I'm off to put my hands on the cards.

I don't want it to become a routine. Disciplinary-ship. No more catching up to be done. I should start to catch up now...

Life been hard lately. I lost God. I can't find Him anymore. I needed Him. I will cherish Him even more. God, thank you for loving me always. I will work harder and You will be my number 1, always. Till the very end...

Holidays, not the best time to sleep and relax and play computer games. It's time for me to do some catching up with my pal, textbooks. haha.

byes! (:

Labels: Needed someone...

words spilled @ 2:25 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»In the End

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

In the end, I'm so tired from school that I fell asleep during dinner time just now. I didn't manage to finish my dinner because I'm too full from it and also, too tired to finish it.

School's been awesome. I love school. (:

Especially the timetable for this semester. I could spend time studying. I should stop or rather cut down my time on playing cards. I should be pulling up my GPA since day 1. So this few days is a grace period and after today, serious-ness in studies is my prospect now. (:

I felt like my world is revolving around school, home, friends and family. I need time for GOD! I really needed the time with GOD!

I'm really glad I still have Jami sister with me to guide me and get me back on track. If not, I don't even want to think of the consequence. Back sliding, not an option.

I've been curbing on my eating habit. I get easily hungry recently. Even now! I'm hungry. Hmmmms. =// haha.

Labels: "I should start to ignore people".

words spilled @ 11:21 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄

»Birthday girl! Sharlum! haha.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Hellos Sharon Lum! Happy 18th Birthday to you! Hope you had enjoyed your birthday! =D

Just wanna let you know, "you may think sometimes, you are lonely. But dont forget, you are never alone because there are many people out there who loves you." Just looking at the number of cakes you have to eat today! haha.

Everyone loves you, so does me. haha. (:

Tiring day. Head pounding. Just want to hit the bed now...
It's raining and I should turn in soon. (:

P.S. Happy Birthday Jonathan Loo! (:
P.S.S. This is my 800th post! hehe. =D

words spilled @ 10:58 PM / leave goosebumps here ⋄