today i went for gb and its a whole new feeling. i stepped down and i need not to be in the contigent during roll call and vesper. there's a very strange feeling but got to get use to it. had devotions and CE and had drill and badgework. badgework we played with balloons! one of my most fear.hahas. i am able to walk around freely since i step down le. but cant stop having the feeling of loneliness.

went to lunch and home

Something happen to me, well, not something around me but something in me. i was lyk fighting a war in me. i had been struggling these few days. i know God is there for me and his unfailing love is there.

My friends had been expecting me to do things that they expect me to do but i just keep failing them again and again. i could no longer take it anymore. i'm just too stupid. i cant do the things that they expect me to do. mayb just mayb, i cant be a good friend to anyone else. mayb i'm been too sensitive or wat. i dunno. but i really hope to live up to their expectations but i just couldnt. if i attitude a bit, i scared they might hate me. if i listen to them, i might not be hated. therefore, i had been living lyk a dunno wat. i am always doin things to please them and hope that they will not hate me even though i am always living in fear of being alone and being cast aside. i hate it when i started showing displeasure and attitude. i am trying my best to change already but i am scared that when the time comes and i had changed already, i am scared that they are no longer my friends anymore.

Today, i almost ended my friendship with my friend. during emaths lesson, i am doin my mean and standard deviation. it needed quiet surroundings and focus on it when calculating. if a value was counted wrong, the whole row might be affected and time will be wasted. but my surroundings are just too noisy. my front, back, left side are quarrelling and i just take my books and walked away. i didnt care abt anything at that time i just walk away. i just wanted to do my works. when i went back, my this friend was having a displeasured expression in her face and that is the thing i feared most. my mind suddenly started having questions, lyk for example, is it me again? i should not have walked away. is she angry? mayb i should not have left her there. etc. i wanted to ask my another friend but i dun have the courage to. i am just a coward. den because i was panicking, she was asking me questions and i am not smiling but frowning. she walked away with displeasure looks in her face too. i just dunno wat to do. at that point of time, i suddenly felt lyk crying. i am scared. time and again, i am always a coward. i dun dare to confront anyone. mayb i'm just afraid of being alone again. during my primary sch time, i dun have friends from pri1 all the way to pri5. everyday i will be alone and seeing others having friends and joking with their friends. i remembered crying everyday when i reached home. i will be crying to my mother and i could see her feeling hurt for me. i was betrayed by friends last time.
maybe, just maybe, i just dun deserve friends.
today, i saw my friend with a group of my clique and she looked happy. mayb i should just let her be with them. because, being with me, is just pure boring and torturing.

Labels: hurt

well, i was blog hopping. obviously. hahas. and i found these lines that i found it meaningful and meaningful things are worth sharing. hahas. well, that's wat i thought. you can object to it if you think that its not worth sharing but i tink its worth. =)



it goes lyk this:

"Dear God, the only thing i ask of you is to hold him when i'm not around, when i'm much too far away. please take care of him, protect him from sadness, pain and those who may cause him harm. i will wait, i promise i will wait, until the very end"



well, these sounds amazingly nice and meaningful and i really loved it.

yes, i will wait until the very end for u. i will and i promise and i must. even though i know the ending will not be the one that i look forwards to but i still give you my blessing and i truly love you and i want you to be happier than me and living better than me.

just hope that God will work things out for me and hope i could get the ending i am looking forward to and i will trust in God.

everytime when i said that i still lyk you indirectly, you will be very quiet. i know that you had put down but i'm not you. i will not put down. because i truly meant wat i said during that day we broke up. "even though we broke up, i want you to know something. i will still lyk you no matter wat. and i will not let anything stop me. even though if you dun love me anymore but i still do. my heart is always open and are awaiting for your return..."

I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy; I must stay happy

these are my thoughts that will be come floating into my mind every single day. I had not been in the best of mood these past few days. but yet, i still managed to keep a smile on my face. I don't want my friends to see that i am not feeling happy because i dont wan them to ask me questions abt wat happen to me or anything. i am afraid that i might broke down and cry. I would rather bottle up my feelings rather than telling others because my feelings are not important. their things are more important. i dun wan others to care abt me. i would rather be isolated in a corner. sometimes i really felt lyk crying in class because i really had not been feeling so well. they are fighting their way to flow down but i dun wan to. i dun wan to be seen weak. ever since the day, i had not been smiling or laughing as much as i had last time. sometimes i am even thinking that am i laughing or smiling genuinely. But i do smile and laugh when i'm talking with my long time friend. =)

how i wish i could go back to the past.~

ok, let me sae something before i start my long and boring speech. these are just purely my thoughts. nothing to do with anyone or anything. these are purely thoughts.



here goes:

"Why must we have love? Love hurts most of the time. Love is unexplainable and once you had met eyes with someone you tink you liked, you became foolish because you had started to fall into each other's love trap. without thinking who that person might be or who the person truly is. until getting together then you will start to regret sometimes. but, love sometimes is a blessing. and its something that we cant control and cupid is the one at work. God had control over everything. he can make impossible things possible and i truly believe that everything he had done had a reason and that he done that for our own good. God loves us. He wants the best in us. Love is great and it can decide our mood.

There is someone i truly love and i know that we will not be together again but i trust in God that He will work things out for us. surrender myself to Him and sometimes unexpected things might just happens. How i wish we will be back together again. i missed the days we are back again. but now, being ur close friend is more important. i will wait for u. one day you might be walking past me with a girl holding hands but i know that you are happy and i am contended. everyday i told myself to think of our sweet memories but the more i think, the more i am sad yet happy. i remembered walking around the sch looking for u. trying to get close to you even though there's my friend obstacling us. but i know that it's a test the God had given to me. i truly miss you every single seconds and the memories i had are lasting till now. but i am worried that one day i might forget u and you will forget me. i wan this to be our precious memories. i dun wan a sad ending. how i wish that we are back together, going church together, worshipping God, telling Him that we truly are happy being together. but i doubt this day will come true. i am afraid that i might one day fall down hard because my hopes are being too high... how i wish i could know how u feel about me and how u feels every single day..."



I.Love.You and I.Need.You.

Sometimes i think that crying is a good way to empty your hearts on those negative thoughts. but i tink crying too much is too ridiculous le.

sometimes when i was sleeping, i will wake up in the middle of the night because i gt shocked by the nightmares i had. maybe i'm too stress or just that i had let negative thoughts taken control of my mind. what if one day i suffer from depression? what if one day i just go crazy and dash out of the road and that's it?
well, i tink i should stop thinking these negative thoughts because it do no good to myself. i should spend more time on studying and meditiating on God's Word and i should give those negative thoughts a stop label.

yesterday is a happy day for me. i talked to someone i really wanted to talk to and i felt happy because God answered my prayers. that person told me that he will not get into any relationship untilk his major examination is over. even though i know that we will not be together, but i will wait. i will pray that God will answer my prayers.

Labels: I will wait

Yesterday is 24th march. if we are still together, it will be our 6th month together.

how i wish we can be back together. i will be praying and waiting.

yes, i cried yesterday. i wan you back.

i very scared u will avoid me again.

but i am glad that we are still talking now but i scared this will not last long.

i wan you to be back and not avoid me.

Today is my elder brother and evon's birthday. my brother had went to chalet in the early afternoon and he is not going to be home tonight and that means that i could sleep in his room today. Hooray.
Today went to sch and saw shermeen and sharon each hugging a huge tortoise. a male and a female one. it was evon's birthday present.

we had mother tongue lesson first and ms linan didnt come today and we combined class with 4e3 in the I-Hub and our teacher is ms cheong. after lesson is amaths and mrs tan was not around because i tink she went for some courses which she will not be around for 3 lessons and a substitute teacher came in and obviosly we can slack and i did some maths sums. history is next and we copied a lot of notes. hand was tired after writing it. recess, they sang birthday song to evon and went back to class when the bell rang. english was next and we were discussing about plot structure. chemistry was next. 3 periods past quite fast and the last 5 mins i suddenly felt that my energy is all drained out. and i felt tired all of a sudden. i slept on cherie's and evon's shoulder. hahas. after sch, mr ivan tan came in and i learn some maths from him and kiat wee and gerald was outside suddenly fighting. i really wonder why do they enjoy fighting so much. went eat with shermeen and clique.

was walking with shermeen in front. way in front. was talking with shermeen and she told me something that touches my heart. "Saying to forget someone seems easy but it is something that is hard to do. because something did happens and the impact is so huge that leave a mark in your heart and mind and you will not forget so easily."
This is so meaningful and today is supposedly to be a happy day because its our sixth month together. half a year. that's long. i was thinking mayb if we are still together, i will not be walking with shermeen and talking to her whereas i will be going out with him. its ok. i am glad that we are still friends now. and i hope that we will be back again. i will be praying and waiting. i jus hope that you will not avoid me again.

i always want to tell someone talk abt my this problem but seems that no one is interested and i dunno how to sae. oh well...

today is a happy day because i had a lot of fun. hahas.
i woke up at 7.30am in the morning because i had ds 3. retest on theory paper but practical is jus uniform checking.
and the most happy thing is that, i passed my practical test! now is left with my theory paper only. hope i can pass. =) Thank God!

went home and bathe and waited for 12.30pm to come. because was waiting for vivian and kristel's sc meeting to end but waited for abt 20min and i messaged vivian and she sae she was waiting for kristel and i went opposite sch to find her. we waited until 1.20pm and went off to TM's Mac to meet meishi and jasmine and clarie. and we met a lot of friends. i gt to know meishi's sister. meizhen. and weilin, if i'm not wrong. we took cab to chc because i tink we are late and the moment i step into it. that's it! i love it. =)
i get to know more people, like lydia, carol, vanessa, kendrick, james and many many more. there are a lot of people and the most terrible thing is, i wan to go toilet at the start of the service and i tahan and tahan. hahas. but thank God, i manage to tahan until i reached tampines inter. hahas. went home and bath. i had alot of fun. the 2hrs pass very fun and the drama is very nice. i learn a lot of new things. =)

i did something stupid last night. hahs. i was goin to bed and i was thinking finally i could lie on my comfy bed and i jus let myself fall on my bed and i hit my head against the wall. the sound was loud.hahas. boom. at first i felt nothing den suddenly headache and went to my dreamland in the end. hahas.
one thing i had missed are the sayangs i once had. hahas.

Labels: I wan sayangs

As you all know, i am not a tidy person. but i had made up my mind to tidy up my table because it was simply messy. even a dirty person lyk me won't be able to stand the messy-ness. i packed my table by bringing everything down to the floor and there was stacks and stacks of books and i counted. it was about 6-7 stacks of books. but the bad news is, when i was packing, i was tired and was tempted by my comfy bed and i thought of lying on it for just a while but instead, i fell asleep instantly. when the time i woke up, 2hrs had past. it was 5.30pm. but i continued to slp till 6.30pm. hahas. i think i was a recarnation of the pig. hahas. slept alot. when i woke up at 6.30pm, i don't know why, when i breathe in, my left ribcage will start aching. so i'm lyk suffering now.
anyways, i decided to stop work awhile. later then pack. hahas.

i went to church today and it was a special service and it was meaningful. i had learnt a lot of things through it. and yes, during the morning, i ate my harshbrown! wohoo. its being a while that i last ate harshbrown. well, tmr there's drill stage 3 retest. actually its theory and the practical part is checking of uniform. the theory part was so frustrating. the total mark is 28 and we had to pass 80% of it which is 25 marks. and we only can afford to get one wrong. i got 23 marks. 2 more marks! hahas.
just hope that tmr's time will past faster. so that i could end this nightmare soon. hahas. and pray that i could pass. hahas.

well, weisian went to malaysia today. hope that his rashes will be better. =)

Labels: Stay happy

Today is the Meet-the-parent session and it was so cool because i could go home late. wohoo. I am having a headache again. arghh. i hate it.
had a lot of fun today at the hall and courtyard.

anyways, i gt nothing to say anymore le. jus tat these few days not in a really good mood. everytime in class sometimes will have the feeling of wanting to cry but swallowed the tears and doin assignments that are given to us and keep doin and doin. i jus wanted to do everything that i could.

Labels: I love ur smiles

Can't believe it that now is already mid-march already. that's fast. in a few more weeks or months, i will be taking my o'lvl chinese paper at may. with less than 3 months, and my chinese result is sucky all the way, my hope of getting an A1 is far away. hahas.

Today is the second day after the march holidays, and yes, i have been slacking all the way. slacking rocks! well, I felt much better le. Flu had left me. =) but my headache is still around. aww. =[

Today's lesson is chem first. I really cannot get the electrolysis. Ms zaleha said its the most important topic for o lvl and yet, i'm falling asleep. i really cant stand myself. i should have dropped to combined science. so as not to waste ms zaleha's precious time. next week onwards will be having our sciences SPA test. and nope, i am not prepared.
Emaths, i learn new thing, "mean". i able to understand something.
next few lessons is as per normal and after sch, met my precious squad 1 and did things for my GB room notice board.

i went home after that. tmr there's pe! =)
i'm goin CHC on sat. =)

Labels: I love ur smile

And yes, according to my title, i caught a cold. congrats to me. hahas.
just remembered that i just had my headache and the next thing is, the flu bug attacked me and i was watching the tv show and suddenly i started sneezing and having block nose.

gonna talk abt today. I went to church. hurray. this is the first time i am goin to church this yr. hahas. waited until march den go. abit wat. hahas. i took bus 291 and when i alighted the bus, i saw hui yan. as usual, kristel was late. hahas. but luckily we were not late for service and the coincidence thing is that, the five of us, three wore black and two wore white. hahas. so it was like such a nice view. hahas. black, white, black, white and black.
we were singing songs and listening to sermons and after that, went for lunch. it rained today and we were walking and standing in the rain. hahas.

mayb because of the rain, i caught a cold. but its fun. hahas. all i need is a box of tissue paper. hahas.

It had finally stopped raining yesterday, which is friday. yesterday i was having a serious headache and i lie on my bed until 2pm in the afternoon and my siblings were congratulating me because i had broke my record of waking up later than 1.30pm. therefore, my latest record of waking up time is 2pm in the afternoon. no choice. because i was having a headache. i had went to the doctor last time and they sae its migraine which is a serious headache which had no cure yet so they only prescribed pain killer for me. so, i give up on seeing the doctor. i will just let myself stay at home. whenever the pain comes, i will jus hang in there and hope that it will gone away faster.

after i woke up, i am very surprised that it was not raining because i thought it will. but it didnt. apparently, i'm wrong and i predicted wrongly. i want to ask my friends whether they interested to have a game of basketball but perish the thoughts because i cant get out of bed because my head hurts a lot. but after a few mins, my head seems to be better, i got up and brush teeth and bathe and went out to buy lunch for myself. saw cherie and her mum on the way back home. she asked me whether i wan to play basketball a not at night but i declined it because i cant go out at night. but if i can, i would go definitely. did some of my homeworks but i didnt finished all of them because i'm lazy. hahas. went to bed at 2am plus. actually, i watched tv till 1.30am. i watched the drama series, princess hours. it was a nice show. i watched it twice and havent gt sick of it yet. hahas. i suddenly found out that the songs' lyrics very meaningful and i read it and i like it. there was a china lady keep scolding a guy at the opposite block's void deck. it was so loud and i could hear it. if i'm the guy, i sure malu until die. hahas.

i sit in my room after readin psalms. i sit in one corner and was thinking a lot of things. and of course, i was thinking negative things again. that's who i am, i keep thinking negative things la. i cant stand myself sometimes. i think my friends cant stand me too bah.

sat! the day i am pending to. todae i went for BS. i thought i am late. we meet at 10.30am. when i reached, jami and jieying are already there. i thought only me one person. scary. lucky valerie came after that and kristel came. we decided to have our next BS at temasek poly. went for lunch with jieying, jieni and kristel. kristel meeting jasmine and clarie at inter, so we went there for lunch. but didnt expect to saw weisia and vivian. so we 8 GB girls went for lunch together. hahas.

today didnt rain. as what my title said, Mr. Sunny is back le. =]

tmr goin to church and sch reopens after that.

Labels: A Big Thank You to you

Yup. today i had my Drill Stage 3 a.k.a DS3. when i reached sch, it was raining very very heavily. my theory test started at 12pm and to pass the test had to pass 80% of it. which means i only can afford to get one question wrong.

had practical test outside the hall and i was trembling. this was the first time i am feeling myself trembling very much. went home after that. i received jieying msg saying that we all have to retake drill stage 3 next sat. so sad. i fail again. =[

but, anyways, i will use that opportunity to work harder and get myself more prepared.

hmm... tmr gonna be very bored and mayb gonna finish up all my homework. den sat, will be having BS.

i just realised that last few days that i'm feeling so low is that i am having a war with not anything else but a evil called satan. i will do my best to win the battle and with God's help, i will and i can't.

Also, i am glad that i have friends to be by my side. =D
i will stay strong and press on.

"just trust in the Lord, God always has a plan for you & He will never ever neglects you. no matter what happens, just surrender everything to Him, He is the only God that can carry all our burdens away. God will pick you up each time you fall. He loves you unconditionally. He dont wish to see you sad too!"

These words of encouragements is given to me by Eunice. She is a very nice girl, which i tinks that she is a good friend that God had send it to me. She is like a present that God had gave to me. she is very nice. she also tell me more things which made my heart felt a lot better.

overall, drill camp is fun and bond quite well with my juniors. tmr jiu DS 3 le. how? theory is another stress component. tested from DS1-DS3. die le la. haiyo. my boots... i scared it cant take it leh. die le la. i promise that after tmr, i will have a good rest and faster find a cobbler to fix my shoe.

mayb i will do all my homework during fri and sat will have BS! yay! i am looking forward to it! also, i wan go church on sun! so long never go le. i must go!

i love walking under the rain and these few days keep raining. mayb i should find one day when i'm free and take the opportunity that my mum had went to work and go and have some fun under the rain. =D

i remembered that the last time i had a negative thought is not long ago. i had thought of just die and not cared about anything. but after a long long thought, i sorted out my mind and i tink i should give it another try.
there are many things that lead to my negative thoughts. family, friends, cca, studies, relationships, and many many more...

i suddenly felt lost. mayb i should start attending church again. because i suddenly felt a feeling that i never had before. i dunno where Lord is. i felt lost. mayb the QT i'm doin nw is not really learning more things than last time. but no matter wat, i will try my best to spend more time with God. i felt empty. i will find time to go church if i could.

CCA, i will be having my DS3 on this coming thurs and i felt the stress coming in. at this important time, my boots is having a problem. the sole cracked. i'm afraid i cannot take the test. i'm scared. i dun wan to give up at the last min. just wanted to pray that God will help me and protect my boots.

All of a sudden, everything seems to be gushing in and trying to get inside of me. i felt helpless and tired. i dun tink i can go on anymore le. i know that one of the QT i had is to give all my burdens to God. but i cant find God. i just felt stress. but i wan to live up to God's standard.

ppl sae, when u need hlp, u need a listening ear. but even if i have a listening ear, i oso dunno how to tell the person my problems. my problems seems lyk a peanut as compared to the stress that others are having. mayb i should keep everything in myself ba. until one day i could no longer take it anymore, i will jus explode and vanish into thin thin air and become a speck of dust...

sorry for my complaining. jus ignore me because i'm jus talking rubbish...

Finally, march holiday is here. time seems to flew past me. just remembered that school had just reopened but now, school is having its one week holiday.
i thought i could have a good long rest during this one week holiday. but i tink i'm wrong. hahas. i tink my whole weekday had been booked with stress. hahas.
let's see, monday, i had chemistry remedial and english remedial and after that, drill practice.
tuesday, i will be having english remedial and drill camp
wednesday, drill camp
thursday, drill stage 3
friday, might be goin out to study with jieni. or mayb meet up and do our homeworks.
left with sat and sun. hmm... sunday is the day i'm goin to my grandma hse. so sun is out too.
left with sat. every holiday, i will never not go shopping because i hate it. but this holiday, i suddenly had the urge to want to go out. i want to buy a watch for myself. hahas. mayb walk around to rewind myself. but i'm finding someone who is willing to walk around with me. hahas. i wanna buy a watch because, i found out that i had no time concept at all. hahas. i had been dragging and dragging and cause myself to be late for lessons. i cant be late anymore. hahas.

after the holidays, will be another battle with the books and tests. i muz jiayou. but i dont tink i can ba. i'm stupid and i always take things on its own pace. i wonder how am i goin to survive for my o'lvl or prelim. hahas.

ok, let's talk abt today. my english remedial starts at 8am and i left my hse at 8am. dumb right? hahas. i had a severe lack of time concept. hahas. i must have someone to remind but i tink that person must be patient enough to handle me. because i scared they will die after reminding me. hahas.
after that, had a 30mins break and went for chemistry. i can understand abit. hahas. finally, i wont fall asleep. every chem lesson i will slap myself to keep myself awake but this time i dun need.hahas. mayb because there's a lot of laughter and fun outside the classroom. there's band, girls guide, st john and choir. every cca there are having their day camp except for choir. they are staying overnight. hey people, watch out! GB having our drill camp tmr and the day after! hahas. muz leave the parade square for us! hahas.
had drill practice and not really prepared for drill before. and and i wore the wrong clothes. hahas. was suppose to wear '06 GB camp tee. but i wore '07 de. hahas. felt so out of place.

okies. i'm free this sat. hehe. that is the only day i'm free. oh ya, i might be playing basketball with my friends. there goes my sat. =[

Labels: i will try to forget u

Today woke up and my right hand was so pain that it was numb when i woke up. i could not move it. and i was so scared. i bathe and went out without my breakfast because was meeting cherie at the central park clock at 10.55am and was waiting for her under the sun. waiting for her for abt 10 mins den she reached. all i could say was. the sun was scorching hot today.
after that, she wanna check out prices of a present and went to minitoons with her. went to small mac and meet sharon and chang hui. blah blah.hahahs.

reached bedok mrt and saw kok soon, louis and sean. and walked to take bus together. head to bedok south. i was so odd one out. 4 boys and 3 girls. yeap. i am the odd one. haiz. =[
waited very very long den we had lunch and cherie mother ordered a lot of things and i didnt eat much. hahas. den start work at 3pm. that was so late. i expect to go home at that time though. yeap, my mum had called countless of phone calls to me.

started work and one person to cover 7 blocks and me paired up with sharon and the total blocks we are to cover are 14 blocks. i met with different encounters on the first few blocks. first block, the cleaner was washing the floor and the pipe burst and it was on the floor and water are leaking out. and i walked slowly to prevent myself from falling. den the cleaner pulled the pipe and the water drenched me. that was so so unlucky. arghh.. haha. den, second block, i was walking down the stair and there was a couple in their early 20's sitting at the staircase and the guy was telling the girl to go his hse and the embarassing thing was that there was a small bike at the staircase and my earpiece hooked on it and they both saw me. i faster walked away feeling so so awkward. next block was those kind of two storey and i looked inside and it was so beautiful. next time i wan to stay in those kind of houses. but one thing that scare me was, when i was slotting the flyer, a dog suddenly barked and i jumped up and it scare me. =[
next few blocks are quite ok.

went home at 7plus and reached home at 7.45pm.

These few days had not been laughing and smiling. my friends thought i suddenly had attitude problems and not that i did not want to smile or laugh along with their jokes. it was you. i prayed and prayed that u will have a change of heart. but i found out that the more i prayed, the more tired and hurt my heart felt. u said we could be friends but why is it that you are still avoiding me. i noe i had been giving myself false hope from the day we broke up. i thought u will have a change of heart. i was thinking that mayb u had never liked me before. the times we are together seems to be like a very beautiful dream to me. a beautiful dream that i could never have in reality... all i could do every night is to cry myself to slp. mayb you are enjoying life right now, u noe, i'm not... i'm not those kind of girl that will treat forget as a simple thing. mayb u treated forget as a normal thing to u. i know u had forgotten everything. well, i did not...

"I Am Tired!" =[
There's lyk no love in my home. all the love i can sense is parental love for my brothers. but not me. they jus walked past me and asked me things whether i am doin fine or not. i noe they cared for me. but i just cant sense it... all i wan is something simple. love.

Today after school meet up with jieni and meet jieying after that and had our lunches and we changed after that. We took two volleyballs and a netball from the PE store and there were only 6 of us. after that, we shifted to netball court and we started playing netball after vivian and kristel came. we played a while and rested and then, we started doing things that are at the netball court. at first, we had shutter run den after that, we played incline pull up den the chin up. my hands was pain from the pull ups den we played pumping. hahas. den we play volleyball den soccer. we did a lot of things out of boredness. hahhas.

ZiBin came and played volleyball with kailin first den huiji. hahhas. kailin had to leave and huiji luckily was around then they started playing. because they noe how to play volleyball, it was very nice. the ball rarely touched the floor. hhas. after that, we played netball with shihui, and khai and yu yao. hahas. the sun was so scorching bright today. hahas. it was great but mayb because i stand under the sun too long, i suddenly had headache den giddy. went to the hall with huiji and sit awhile. go down after that and head was very pain and the things i looked had split images. hahas. everything become two things. hahas. sit while and went home after that. kristel and jeremy walked together and the scene was so sweet. how i wish i could oso walk with my love one together side by side. but i dun think this will happen... was looking out of the window and saw two couples walking together and holding hands. so sweet. it was a very nice monent when one's is in love. hahas.

during the holidays i had a lot of things to do. i want to perfect my drill and pass my stage 3 once and for all. dun wan a retest anymore! my hand's injuries can wait. as long as i passed my stage 3. Mon i will be having chem and english supplementary and after that, will be having extra practice for drill. Tues, i will be having eng supplementary and drill camp. Wed will be having drill camp. thurs will be the test. and fri might be playing basketball. i will use sat and sun as my homework day. i thought i will be able to have a good long rest during the holiday. looks like, i'm wrong...

Labels: I need a long long rest

It's such a coincidence... Remembered that morning, i was sitting before my dinning table and was thinking about "what if tmr i just found dead in my bedroom? Will anyone cry for me? Will any of my friends still remember me?" Den i was lyk wanting to blog this and was thinking later ppl thought i'm nuts suddenly talk about death. The coincidence thing happens. Today went to school and a teacher had showed us a documentary it was called "without warning". it was about the scenerio that what if singapore had a terrorist attack. den it link to death and many things. den i decided to blog it out. hahas.

What if i die? hmm... i didnt really touch on this kind of things because i know that everyone will have to die. so i'm not really afraid to die. but i think if i just die lyk this, i will die with regret. simply because i still have things not yet to be done. i still had a long wishlists to be accomplished.hahahs.

Today is 6th March. last yr's today was the time when i fell down during my 2.4km test. remembered that when my younger brother had heard upon the news that i had fell down and it was bleeding, his first reaction was not taking a look at it and cared for me. instead, he took out his calender and wrote down that i had fallen down on 6th march. so, today is my first anniversary of falling down. hahas.

it's been raining the whole morning and i'm glad that it stops raining in the afternoon. because went to play basketball. hahas. didnt play much because my both hands are painful and i was planning not to tell my parents only after i had finished my drill stage 3 den i will tell them. jus hope that my hands will persevere until next week. =]

Todae morning we had PE and we didnt combine with 3T1, we had floorball lesson instead. was sweating a lot and this is the first time playing floorball that my sweats are dripping. woohoo. the feeling was good. hahas. i hurt my left hand and it hurts when i was writing because simply because i was a left hander. hahas.

after sch it was raining heavily and i feel lyk running under the rain but i can't because had a course. a follow up course after our three days motivational course. it lasted for half an hour and went to hall after that. learn slow march!

yay. i love slow march. but its gonna be difficult. next thur will be having drill stage 3 test. die le. i dun wanna fail. =[

so, mon we had extra practice and tues and wed will be having drill camp and thurs test. will have muscleache le.
hahas.

bye bye. =]

Today is already the first week of March. Its lyk so fast. just thinking about it, yesterday seems lyk January.
In a blink of eye, O'lvl is coming and i'm leaving sch and i so gonna miss my friends.

There was once i came across this bookmark which wrote "Live everyday like ur last". therefore, from tmr onwards, i gonna live everyday meaningfully. i tink so ba.

today, is not a really good day for me, i gt a serious headache and cannot get all the lessons taught to go inside my head and therefore, attending sch todae is lyk not attending any.

play basketball after sch and went home at 5.45pm.

done my homework halfway, and fell asleep. went to buy my sch shoe jus nw because my old sch shoe spoil le. hahas.

Today is Junyuan's annual Cross Country meet... woke up at 6.15am and got ready at 6.50am and went downstair to wait for Cherie. was so cold outside and she was late. hahas. but really wanna apologise to her because she had to walk one big round to come meet me. so sorry. went to MacDonald's and saw min ning first, shermeen came next. kai wei and duojie next and then, evon. they went to toilet and min ning and me was eating our harshbrown. i suddenly realised that harshbrown are nice and brown. hahas. i love harshbrown. =]

walked to Bedok Reservouir and we were late by a few minutes. it doesn't matter because by the time we had reached, they are just sitting and finding their classes. we didn't sing National Atheme and say the Pledge whereas we sang our School Song. the lower sec boys started off the race first and then the lower sec girls. KaiLin was so nervous that she made me nervous too. i prayed very hard to get top 30 which i think it were never ever happen but i just try my best to run. the upper sec boys are next den the last to run off are the upper sec girls. was suppose to run with KaiLin but after the siren is sounded, she ran off and therefore i run the journey alone. =[

jogged and jogged. i didnt stop for the 3km out of 4.8km. i saw a lot of people on the way. jogged with Kristel a while and she ran off very fast. Jogged with Calvin after that, then he stopped and rest i continued to run. Gerald is next and we jogged all the way to the finishing point. it was drizzling slightly on the way and it was so cool. hahas. i was also looking for the ending point and keep looking back. then i realised the finishing point is just in front of me. i was ecstatic! hahas. =D

i gt position 21. and i was so happy. it was so impossible yet i did it. i know it was God that had helped me and i really want to thank God for it! God had made miracles for my life. and this is one of them. was asked to go home because it started to rain and we will be able to take the medal in school on monday. finally, i gt a medal for cross country. =D

went to take bus 67 and off to Tampines Mall for breakfast cum lunch. had long john silver and bought a set meal which consists of two pieces of bacon and egg bread and a HARSHBROWN. and the drink is milo dinosaur. hahas. harshbrown. hehe.

went to look around for wen su's present then went to popular and i bought a bookmark. later on, while walking with cherie and kailin, they were talking to me about their cross country and both were talking at the same time and i was getting very confused abt it. for example, when cherie was talking, due to respect, i looked at her and listen to her talk. then kailin pulled my hand and want me to listen to her. then i turned to her. i listen to her talk then halfway she talked, cherie pulled my hand. i also want to talk but they overwin me. hahas. went to Centuary Square and kailin was looking at clothes whereas i am not at all interested. i HATE shopping. then i conclude that kailin's future husband must be very rich so that she don't have to work and everyday will be shopping day for her.

i went home after that and bath and bring my younger brother back from his tuition and done my homework halfway and was suppose to catch a small nap but i slept until 6.30pm instead of 5pm. hahas. too tired. =[

there's some thing which i really wanted to voice out. although i appear i didnt care yet in my heart, i do care and it does matters. my two classmates, which i won't say out their names, although they appeared to be nonchalent abt me running faster than them at 2.4km but i was told that they looked down on me because they dont believe that i could win them. i treat them as good friends yet i gt looked down by them in return. how saddening is that. i also came to know that you all don't believe that i gt a position 21 during today's cross country. you know how hurtful is that?
also, you told me we could be friends after the incident but you don't seems to be wanting to be my friend. i tryin my best to stop having thoughts abt the past. i trying my best to talk to you as normal friend. yet, your attitude always is the obstacle that stop me from that. you are very random. sometimes you will smile and talk to me, sometimes you just give those i-don't-want-to-be-your friend tone and attitude. if i know that you will become like that, i rather that nothing had happen... =[
all i want is just be your friend like last time...

Labels: is that so difficult

Putting GOD first in my life. Love God. Love Life. Love Others. Heart Of God Church! <3

Hello,
I am Vanessa Quek!


I blog to pen down my thoughts and also to remember the important milestones in my life!

I'm someone who has faith in God and the God within me!

I'm working hard to be in likeness to Christ! Be radical for Him! Giving Him the best years of my life!

HOGC

Interested in Korean culture and their, K-pop

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